Sometimes goodbye is a second chance
by AnnetteAnne
Summary: CHAPT 12 IS UP! Based on NM. Edward left her, and Bella jumped off the cliff. But sometimes goodbye is a second chance to live. There are many secrets waiting for Bella to discover them. And a goodbye present... Please R
1. The end

**Disclaimer:** This ff is based on the New Moon. It's Bella's birthday and Edwards makes one of her wishes come true... The next day after the accident with Jasper he runs away. The whole Cullen family disapear and Bella stays alone with the great pain... And a single good-bye present.  
It's nothing like in the book. The characters and some facts are the same, but I allowed my fantasy to jump freely ;-) And I created kinda new story about what was after the jump off the cliff. Mainly it's Bella POV but it may happen that there will be others. Please be kind! English is not my 'native language' and I'm still learning, I am sorry for the mistakes!  
I hope you enjoy this piece! I do not own any of the characters!

* * *

Empty. That is what I am now. Destroyed. Disregarded. Barren. Tattered. Nestled in despair. Without any saving grace, any salvation, soothness. The twilight has passed and the darkest night has fallen over me. I was burning. Inside. This dull ache was incredible, unbelievable. My poor, empty, destroyed human heart... No, it just can't be. My heart would not stand this. Surely I am dead now.  
But I'm not. I could still feel the pain, taking over me. Like a fire. With every breath I have taken, the pain was taking this breath away.  
How could he?  
It was so unbearable to think he could act like this. He left me. All alone.  
But the nightmares were the worst thing. He was standing next to me and I couldn't reach him. When I was close enough to touch his marble chest, I was waking up, just before the dawn. Every evening I was dying, again, slowly, painfully. Again. And every morning I was reborn just to face this nightmare my life became. After couple of days I broke away from this absolutely empty and dark shell and I started to listen. That was the first thing I could do without feeling pain. So one day I heard the rain. It was falling on my window's pane peacefully as if nothing happened. Because nothing really happened. The world was still going on. Nobody cared. I was perfectly alone with this burning ache. I let my thoughts wander. For the first time in ages. I allowed myself to remember. His breath. His smile. His touch. His eyes. As if I wasn't alive before I met him. Like there was no life above him. Edward.

_'You were like a meteor...'  
'... a midnight sun'  
'...the light for my moonless life.'_  
I know now it was all a lie... Fat, stinking pack of lies.  
'_I don't love you. I don't want you anymore'_  
There was no air. I was stifling. Drowning. I was so blind! So blind! I was just a toy in his hands.  
_No._  
I wasn't. Edward wouldn't be like that.  
_Oh really?_  
The pictures in my head become fuzzy, slow. I couldn't see anymore, but my other senses were still unmoved: I could feel his marble skin on mine, his breath around my neck, I could taste his kiss... Good Lord, his kiss.  
And this emotionless goodbye. Just as if nothing between us happened... Like I was not loving him by all my heart.  
I was drowning again in dark, deep water of night, of despair. My scream broke the silence of invincible gloom, blackness.  
And the only thing I felt was this cruel fire burning my insides.  
My scream moved the world from its foundations when I begged for air to breathe freely.  
_Unbreak my heart. Now._  
After a while, I became still. Nothing happened. No solution. I felt again into the void.  
But after five days a plan in my head was ready. I decided what to do.

The grass soon faded into rocks and sand. The horizon was covered with the darkest storm clouds I have ever seen. The smell of the rain was hanging in the air, and it helped a little bit. The waves were crashing below my bare feet. And the wind was so angry, he was winnowing my hair with such a force. I wish I could have such a force. The smell of the forest was in my nose and I felt happy. Really, I was glad that I will die in such a beautiful day. It was beautiful. The nature was reflecting my emotions. I looked up one last time to see the weak sun fading away. The first thunder. It's time.  
I looked down, on the waves beyond the cliff. I hope this will not last very long. I wanted to have an easy death. I deserved that after all. All these happy moments I shared with Edward, they just had no law to exist anymore. This was the solution which has been promised to me. The only way to end this pain. The rain started to fall. I was listening and trying to relax, but it was so difficult to see those images and not to respond to them with pain. Finally I let them flow through me like water. Like air, unobserved, not important anymore.  
Like me.  
My lungs will beg me for air, but my air has gone away. All I needed was the strong will.  
You Edward. You are the only life among the death. This one is for you.  
I put my feet on the edge, I spreaded my arms like wings and jumped down.


	2. and the beginning

The calmness. All I ever wanted. Perfectly nothing. No images, no smells, no feelings, no memories. Just this beautiful, curative calmness. I really didn't mind if I was floating in the air, the stratosphere or it was just the death. Nothing actually bothered me. I was absolutely free, lasting in this strange, foggy place.

'- I don't think she will - '  
Whoa. A voice? I'm in heaven and these voices are angels, or what? Hey! I was hearing! That's new -

_tap _

_tap_

_ tap_

Rain? In heaven? No one ever told me there is rain in heaven. I thought the rain is too sad to fall in there.

' - I should've watched her more carefully, maybe it wouldn't had to happen. '  
Oh no. This is definately not heaven. But still, I couldn't place myself. I was floating high above everything. I didn't know even if I had a body. I just... Was. That's all. And this thing really fitted me.

The voices grew louder or were fading away. Maybe I'm not dead?  
And with the while of consciousness, everything started to collapse. I felt my body, every inch of it hurt as never before. The air in my lungs was like fire. The yell of the mortal world attacked my ears and brain. I was overwhelmed with the ache I felt.

'She's waking up!'  
The sound of steps. Focus, Bella. Focus on the tiny things. The steps. Noises. The wind outside the world.

'Bells, darling, please open your eyes.'  
Charlie? Where are you? I can hear your voice. Can I reach you? Is it possible?  
With this moment I begged for more air, for life, I wanted to live so hopelessly. Where are my eyelids? Do they work? Do I have enough strength to open my eyes? I knew that when I'll do it, everything is going to vanish. And there will be no peace. There will be -

_Edward -_  
I opened my eyes and my spine arched. The control I thought I have on myself was over. I started to scream.  
'Morphine, quickly' a female voice said. I was still screaming, this ache was just out of any mind -

It stopped. Really. I choked.

'Breathe, Bella. Just breathe. You're absolutely safe now.'  
I didn't want to be safe. I wanted my peace. Everything has returned, those horrible memories. A single tear on my cheek, and then the next.  
'Shh, Bella. Try not to think anything.'  
I looked there where the voice echoed. Charlie. Next to him Jake. A question in my eyes -  
'Jake has found you. You have been unconscius for three days.'  
Three days? it wasn't like three days at all. It was too short!  
'Why' I tried to whisper. 'How did...'  
'You're so forseeable, Bella.' Jake gave me a weaky smile.

'You have to rest.' a strong, female voice reached me from the other corner of the room. I looked there. A girl, maybe 20 years old, a blonde. Beautiful. The first thing you could say about her was 'sunny morning'. She was smiling in a soothing way.

'I am Este' said the girl. 'And that is all I can say you by now. I promise when you recuperate, I will tell you everything.'  
She looked as if she just ran away from a fairy tale. What the hell was that? The real world? Or maybe God is making a fun of me while watching my pain? Everything was so hazy and blurred, I started to fight with this. This world was just unbelieveable. It just could not happen. Soon, the darkness took over me and I felt asleep.

_Tic tac. Tic tac. Tic tac._

I could hear a clock from a distance. I was unfeeling again. The only sense that was working now were my ears. But I could not move, or taste, or feel. Floating in the air. Stillness. I tried to open my eyes, but it didn't work. I tried again. My eyelids started to flutter like a butterfly's wings. _Am I alive?_  
Everything was bathing in light. It was so... I don't know, like everything was made of this light; it was almost tangible. I breathed in and out, the light filled every cell of my body.

'Bella.'  
A voice from nowhere, from the middle of the light-filled space, drawing me down. I don't want to -  
'Bella, you have to wake up. Now.'  
The light receded for the lines and contour. The cruel world of matter. Breathing turned into a torture. I looked the way I heard the voice.  
A sunny morning.  
'Este' said the girl. 'Welcome again, Bella.'  
I didn't understand.  
'Who... are you?' I croaked.  
'I don't think you're strong enough. This truth may be harder than anything.'  
'I want... to know.' I answered. The hesitation in her eyes. 'Well...' She started. 'I have to tell you the truth anyway. Let's start now. Bella, you're pregnant.'  
I winked. The words were floating somewhere above me.

And suddenly, I understood their meaning.  
'I - wha - pregnant?' I squeaked. It's impossible -

No wait, it _is possible -_  
My birthday present -  
_Edward!_  
'This is the reason why I am here. The baby you're carrying is very important. But not as important as you.'  
I couldn't believe this. I? Pregnant? With a _vampire?_  
The panic started to float through my veins -  
'Shh, Bella. It's okey now. You don't have to worry. Everything is perfectly all-right. Charlie knows. We will take care of you.'  
I was breathing very fast -  
'Who... are you?'  
A silence.  
'I don't think you will believe me.'  
'Try' I hissed.  
Hesitation again.  
'I am... I am a represenatative of a very ancient... Family. No, I am not a vampire' she forestalled my question. 'You, Bella, are the last link of this family. The newest one, I dare to say.'  
Disbelief. What the hell was going on?  
'How did you find me?'  
'I have been searching for you very long... And one day I have heard your scream. Your desperation. But also I heard your baby. With this moment I knew where I can find you. Jake helped me, and by a miracle we saved you.'  
So unbelieveable. So hard to believe.  
'Now, Bella, this truth must suffice you in this point. But I promise, I will tell you everything. Now rest. Focus on your baby, it's very important.'  
This world started to float away. I raised my hand and touched my stomach. It was very hard, but I could feel some weak moves. No,_ it can't be_.  
'What day is it?' I asked.  
'19th of October, Bella.'  
'So I am pregnant for a month' I started slowly. 'I can't feel the moves of the baby. So why I do?'  
'Bella, you're pregnant with the vampire. It's something absolutely different. This pregnancy is faster than normal, human.'  
The breathing seemed to be impossible. I couldn't take a breath.

'Bella! Bella, stay with me - '  
Good, soothing darkness. And nothing else.


	3. the understanding

Sitting next to the window, I noticed it started to snow. I never liked the snow, though; but I realised it's beautiful, when the purely white snow covers the land. The big, white petals were falling from the high heaven.

Asleep. The whole nature started to fall asleep before spring. How I wish I could sleep with nature too.  
'Bella, it's time.' Este's voice was ringing in my ears. I sighed.  
'Yeah, I'm coming.'  
I knew I had to come back to my home, but I didn't think it would be so hard. My little room on the top of the house. Full of memories, full of his presence -

Este grabbed my hand and seated me in the wheel chair. I moaned.  
'I know, but that is the procedure.'  
Leaving the hospital's building with Este and Charlie, I felt the snow flakes hitting my face and hair, the strong, cold unfriendliness. The whole world was unfriendly to me.

'Bella, come inside.'  
I couldn't move. _No, it's too difficult._  
'Bella, you will freeze over!'  
One step. Then another. After couple of minutes, I was inside.

Numb. Absolutely numb. Some dull pain started to run through my veins, but I ignored it. The smell of this house. My room, so invariable. My heart started to beat so loud, that I thought everyone in the room heard it.  
'I think Bella needs some time to herself.' I heard Este's voice.  
'In case, we will be downstairs, Bells.' That was Charlie. I nodded. They left the room and I stayed completely alone.

_Stay hollow._  
So I was. I heard the wind carrying the snow and throwing it onto my window, I heard the whispers. The creaking of the wooden floor. The landscape became so empty, so white; everything changed its shape and was different. I placed myself next to the window and I started to think about the past few days.

'I told Charlie I am your cousin. And it's a half-truth, beacuse in some way we are relatives.  
'You see, Bella, on this world there are many things you can't believe in. Vampires, worewolves... But there are many more. I am the next thing you have to believe in.'  
'What, you're a witch?' I flinched. I wouldn't be more surprised if she said she was a fairy or some ancient goddess.  
'Yes, Bella, I am.'  
I snorted. 'Look, I don't know, who you are, and why you are here, but I'm really tired of secrets and taking-care-of-me people - '  
Este pointed at the glass standing on the table, and it started to move. It was dancing on the table for couple of minutes. Finally, it raised into the air and hung next to my nose.  
_What the hell is going on?_  
'It's only a small piece of what I can do. But Bella, you can do it too. You're a witch, very powerful, but yet not awoken.'  
No, it was too much. I had halucinations and this crazy girl tried to tell me she's a witch!  
'No, no, I had halucinations' I mumbled. 'I - I - It's only because of the accident. I jumped off the cliff and I hit my head or something - '  
'Bella...'  
I couldn't take a breath -

I didn't mind. Really, I didn't care if she was a witch or not. I did not care for anything. I wanted to turn into that snow falling outside the window.

_Stay hollow._  
But staying hollow in this place was almost impossible. His presence still lingered here.

_Why, why did he leave me? Am I really so unimportant? Not worth his love? What was wrong with me?_  
With this moment I wished I have never been born to this cruel world, never meet him - Never felt this pain - never gave my life away -  
I sinked into the despair again, the darkness started to_ imbibe_ my body, so deep, so deep...  
And suddenly, a single move. Single, gentle move inside my belly -

my little baby -

_Edward's baby -_  
A mixture of feelings flooded me, the love, the care, the gentleness, a reason to live -  
I knew it was a blessing. A goodbye present, a little being I could take care of.

My heart could love this little creature.  
My linking with the world of the alive.

My second chance.

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**Author's note**: yay, guys! Thank you so much for your support! I hope you will like the new chapters too! ^.^


	4. the new world

Somehow time changed its shape: the days started to run very quickly. And my belly grew, so I stopped going out. I've chosen the individual toque of learning, I couldn't bear these pitiful looks. Angela visited me one day and she was very sweet, as always. But everybody tried to give a wide berth to me.

I didn't long for the school's monotony. I think I began to enjoy my life and the way it took. Charlie was very angry on Edward, but he couldn't decide how to react to me so he worked all day. It fitted me, though; Este was still with me.  
I wasn't thinking about what she has told me, I just displaced it from my mind - I've accepted her presence and that was all. I liked her, she was caring, sweet, but very strong and in some odd way still absent. She tried to organise my time and divide it between house duties and learning. By dint of the lack of time during the day, only night left for thinking... and for memories. But Este was singing songs in the garden every night in a strange language, but they were absolutely different from anything I have heard ever; I think she was singing about the moon, stars and some distant land. Her songs were full with bitter-sweet symphonies, and her voice was like a bell. I know she tried to pull my fears and memories away. I could think of Edward without tears. Finally. My anger and despair lost on their force. But pain was my the most faithful companion. I knew it had to be like that - a thought of him - the pain, but it was the only way. And every time I was feeling bad, a move in my belly was bringing me the calmness back. Every day was full of him and I knew I will never stop to love Edward Cullen, but one day I will be free of this pain.

Doing my home duties, the days kept passing on. Este was teaching me how to use herbs and other plants, I never thought how much we could reveive from the nature. It was a great way to conentrate my mind and I liked the way Este was speaking about greenes, like they were her children.  
'Yes, I think it's going this way.' Este laughed. 'Sowing them and then watching them grow is the most satisfying feeling.'  
The only thing that bothered me these days was Charlie. I knew one day I have to tell him about vampires and worewolves and witches, but I was too scared of his reaction. He was the one person on this world that left me. I told Renee about my pregnancy and she didn't received it well; she was quite irritated. Jake also didn't vsited me often, beacuse Billy wasn't very satisfied about what I was carrying in my womb. Jake was good for me, and I didn't think I deserved that. He was the only person that was making me laugh, and I loved him, like a sister loves her brother. I saw he was trying not to think what I have in my belly.

I could feel the unfriendliness of this world directed straight on my little baby, but I loved it by all my heart. With every day it grew stronger and stronger and also I had to start drinking the human blood. Yeah, disgusting... And I didn't want to know how Este achieved it. I just knew I had to be strong. Than ever before.

* * *

My fourth month (really, it was an eighth because it was twice faster) has started. And there was only one thing that bothered me: Charlie. He was absent all the day as if he was scared of me. And during my sleepless nights I could hear his restless breath.

Couple of days later, Este's sisters started to visit us. Red as fire Vesper, light Stella and brown Zoe. I didn't know much about them, though; they were very careful, as if they were analyzing me. But after days, I could observate that Stella liked to laugh and sing, and her behaviour resembled me Alice. Zoe was very gentle and caring, and sweet. Her presence was very calming. And Vesper... Vesper was like deep, dark night (so her name fitted her well): unpredictable, dangerous, strong and beautiful like no one I ever have seen. But I liked them all.

I felt like a missing piece. I had a big, dark hole in my chest, but the only thing I was thinking about was my little child. There was no thing or person more important than it. And I think, I loved it more when I remembered it was Edward's child.

The night when everything started was very stormy. I was lying all the day in my bed, because with every day I was weaker. Este was with me all the time; I think she could hear the beating of my unsteady heart. It was after 11 when the storm started to calm down. I was drinking my portion of blood, when a sudden, horrible pain griped my body. I screamed. Este set on her feet. 'It has started' she whispered. The pain was like a thunder, touching and destroying everything on its way. I never felt like this before; I was on the edge, the edge of everything and nothing. The blood in my veins was hot like fire, like lava.  
I was all in fire. I was burning.  
'Vesper, it has started!' Este cried. 'Stella! Zoe! COME HERE, NOW!'  
'Este...' I whispered. 'Este, I...' The pain grew and I shouted.

BRING HIM OUT! HE IS STIFLING!!'  
MY BABY! I could feel the beating of its unsteady heart! The fire that was burning me was out of my mind. My lungs couldn't take any breath, and I started to vomit with blood. But my baby - what's with him -  
I could feel somebody's hand grabbing mine, but soon the firewall separated me from the world. All I could feel was an unbelieveable pain and soon, I started to sink into darkness.


	5. lacrimosa

**Disclaimer**: One thing: Jake has already turned into the werewolf. That's all. :D Enjoy! Again, I do not own any of the characters.

* * *

The light was all around me, and deep inside me when I started to fall. It was a freefall - calm, peaceful and gentle. After a while - or maybe it was eternity - I have begun to feel.  
I could feel the ashes on my body, each single particle of it. I suppouse I was covered with something like dust and ash, but I wasn't sure. I was stuck in it like in a shell, and I started to move. I have heard the creaking and the shell broke. I opened my eyes.  
I suppouse I was in a forest. Night was deep and stars shined with the light like never before. And when I saw the moon... I may say I have never seen it before - I could see every crater, every desert on it, and its light embracing, filling and creating me. I took a breath. The air was full with flavours, strange, unknow smells, but it filled me perfectly. I looked around. I saw Este, Vesper, Stella and Zoe standing around me in a circle with their eyes closed and they were chanting something like a hymne.

Everything seemed so sharp now, different, **deeper**. I felt the nature pounding in me like a second heart, I felt **everything** running through my body. I heard the voices - this world wanted to tell me its stories - the sea was greeting me - the earth was singing with the women. Suddenly, the song ended and women opened their eyes.

'She is perfect' said Stella quietly.  
'Yes, she is...' I could hear in Zoe's voice that she is moved.  
'Let's praise the Goddess!' Vesper's voice was full of relief. I heard Este's laugh.  
'We were so scared!' she said. 'We thought it's too late or you have no strength to live - '  
I was so calm, I loved this feeling. I was full of enthusiasm and curiosity - but then, I started to remember. The_ panic_ -  
'No, no, your baby is safe.' Vesper noticed my fear. 'She is beautiful beyond belief.'  
_She?_  
'Renesmee' I said and I was astonished. My voice sounded like thousands of silver bells, sweet and strong, and melodic. 'I want to see her. **Now**.'  
A girl emerged from the dark wall of forest with a little bundle in her arms. When she gave me it, billions of unnamed feelings ran across me.

I could see her face, feel the beating of her heart, the warmth of her little body... And then she opened her eyes and looked into mine. She _smiled._  
A touch of perfection. The most beautiful being in this world. My heart melted away.  
'Welcome, Renesmee' I said. She touched my face. Visions went into my mind - my face covered with blood, twisted with pain, and my body, so destroyed... Then some voices, and my body carried away... Hurry. The forest, the meadow and a fire in the centre. My naked body pulled into flames - the holy rite. Monotonous chant, the awaiting.

'She is amazing, isn't she?' Vesper smiled.

'Yes, my daughter is gifted.' My daughter.  
_Our daughter..._

Women gave me a white dress and we headed for home.  
'Bella' Este started. 'We will not ask you what happened during the rite or who did you meet, or what did you seen but remember, everything is new now. Different.'  
'Something happened.' It was an ascertainment, not a question.  
'Yes.' Este took a deep breath. 'Charlie is dead.'  
I stopped. The pain crossed my body like fire.  
'I know' I whispered. _**I knew the price of returning here.**_  
Tears started to fall from my eyes, when Zoe continued the story.  
'He got an emergency call... An accident happened. There was a big storm... A tree has fallen down on the road when he tried to pull out a woman from a wreck, and crushed him...'  
_Numb_. Completely_ numb_. My heart torn into bilion pieces.  
'We are so sorry, Bella.' Stella said quietly. _My world_... My world has been stolen. But I calmed down.

'I know he is in peace now, and_ they_ take care of him... And I know that one day we will meet again. I just regret not telling him how much I love him... I will miss him so much...'

I was reborn. The pain has purified me. Many things now were clear, understood. I knew my life is going to change, and I had to mourn... for Charlie. And grieve the things I can't repair. But I was truly reborn. I could walk and talk and feel, and I knew the final part of my life started right now.  
I was blessed.

After the funeral, everything started to form its shape again. The new order of my life has been set. Renee did not come for Charlie's funeral, I knew she will not. She was mourning in her own way, alone. But I still didn't tell her about Renesmee, the time for that will be soon.

My daughter was my earth, my sun and water - just everything I needed to live. She was very intelligent and grew very quickly - after a week she looked like a month-old baby. Everybody who had seen her, immediatly fell in love.  
'She is perfect, Bella.' Jake couldn't took his eyes off Renesmee. 'She looks just like you.'  
'And like her father.' I added. Jake flinched.  
'I know I shouldn't ask, but what with... him?' He asked. 'I don't care. For me, he may never return here.'  
'Soon' I whispered. 'Jake, you know it will be soon.'  
'Okey.' He was angry in his sweet way. 'What with the people, Bella? What will you tell them? You know, Renesmee is growing so quickly - '  
'That can be done' Stella sang and laughed. She crossed the room and left to the garden. 'Such a little jinx!'  
We laughed.  
'Bella, whatever will happen, you must know I'm always by your side. And the kennel also.' Jake said.  
'Thank you' I whispered. With every day I started to love him more and more. He smiled to me and turned to Renesmee.  
'Hey, you little one...'  
Her smile lighted up the whole room.

* * *

**AN**: Thank you sooo much guys for your support! Carry on, Cullens are close! I am so excited! :D I hope you'll like it!


	6. my Immortal

Some days I felt so small. So small, insignificant. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I recalled the past. I recalled _our_ past, elaborating myself unfeeling: these colourful memories, images full with voices and sounds and smells. I could still feel the marks of tears on my cheeks, I think they will never fade away._ This pain_ will never fade away, it is too strong.

_Captivated by your magnetic light_... I couldn't admit to myself that I was still in love with him. And my feelings for him remained unchanged; they even grew bigger, ran deeper. Much deeper. I could not admit to anyone that with every day of his absence I was more desperate, more restless. Edward's face haunted me, not only in my dreams. Every day I had to face him while watching on Renesmee. And I tried to persuade myself he will never come back, he left me and I hope the act of leaving me - I was only a human then who caused many problems - brought him the relief.

But the nights were the worst. I did not need so much sleep, I rested for three, four hours and I was full of energy. During the hours when everything is soften - beacuse for me this world is never silent - I am centring my thoughts on my daughter's breath, it is the most beautiful symphony of whistling and blood-running. But on the verge of the dream and consciousness, I almost could hear his voice from the deepest recess of my mind.

_'Bella.'_  
And I couldn't take breath, the sound of my name and his voice -_ it chased away all the sanity in me_ - the tears were running down my cheeks again. I was sobbing harder and harder, my body shaking and screaming for him, _begging _him to come back. And it lasted and lasted, before I reached the point of consciousness and remained numb til the hour of Renesmee's awakening.

Every morning was a blessing. It was an never described feeling of self-power and the wonder of new chance. Even if Edward left and forced me to live through this sadness, I could never been happier than now. This situation changed me though, but still, deep in my own heart, I was this lonely, abandoned girl tripping over her own legs. But now I had my self-esteem and I knew who am I and for what I am living for.  
Renesmee was growing up very quickly and I think she will never stop to surprise me with her abilities. When she was four months old, she started to walk on her own feet. Still she was communicating with her image system, but I know she can speak, she just finds her system better than speaking. The bond between us since I had known I am pregnant was stronger with every day of our lives. I could hear her cry before she even woke up; I knew her nightmares and all her thoughts.  
The sisters were living in a house not that far from mine; they used to visit me every day. Vesper was absolutely drown in her love for my daughter. Este told me one day that she was pregnant but lost her baby long time ago.  
'She could sacrifice herself for this baby, but, you know... The destiny was so strange.'  
I used to make some herb mixtures and to sell them in Forks. And a lot of people were buying it, I really got many attached customers. In some way, me and my sisters become some sort of therapist for these lost people. Who was visiting me? Well, the scale was really widespread. Usually, they were women from La Push; they knew exactly who I am. But my old collegues visited me also. Angela was so sweet and good, Jessica unsteady and quite false, but it didn't matter. Not anymore.

But every time I was sitting on the bench on my porch, I suffered. I was anxious, but terrified that the time is so close and soon, on this road, from this darkness, a very known face will come into my view.

* * *

When I woke up this day, I knew something happened, someone appeared in the wood. I understood it was a vampire when except the steps I couldn't hear anything else, no heart's beating or whatever. Nevertheless, I could hear my own heart beating so fast as if it was a race. The hour was young, and it was too early for Renesmee to wake up. I came out from the house and stood on the porch, with eyes wide opened for the newcomer. The weak sun was trying to pierce the clouds, but it didn't succeeded. The wind calmed down and everything was waiting. Finally, I saw -  
Alice.

She emerged form the wood's line, crossed the street and stopped before the drive.  
'Bella?' she whispered. I knew I changed, but I did not suspect it will be such a shock for Alice.

'I was waiting for you so long.' My shaky laugh sounded like silver bells from a distance. Yes, she was shocked.  
'What... what happened?' she mumbled. And in this moment, I saw how Alice was mentally destroyed. She was worn and hungry, and tired.  
'Alice, what have you brought here?' I asked. She stared at me.

'Oh, I am so rude. Please, come in.'  
She passed the drive and the lawn and standed next to me.

'Oh, Alice.' I sighed. She was trembling. I hugged her with a force she did not suspect.  
'Stop this, Bella!' she cried. 'Tell me now, what's happened! Why my visions became so unlear, fuzzy and strange -'  
Her shout has awoken Renesmee. She cried. In a second I ran in upstairs, took Renesmee - and a deep breath - and slowly got downstairs. Alice walked into the house and fossilized.  
'Alice, I'd like you to meet my daughter.' Alice's look, so wild, so dizzy -

'Her name is Renesmee.'  
Alice shouted. For sure she noticed the similarity with her brother's face. And the name of hers... Renesmee pointed out on the small figure before her.  
'Auntie?' she asked with high, soprano voice. It was her first word.

**AN:** Edward's getting closer, hold on. ;) I hope you'll like it!


	7. explanations

Alice's eyes were wide open while she forgot how to breathe. She was staring at Renesmee completely speechless.  
'Alice, look' I started. 'Come in, I will explain you everything.'  
'Wait' she mumbled. 'Is it... Edward's... _child_?'  
I smiled.  
'Yes, Renesmee is his daughter.'  
'How old - '  
'She has six months, but she's growing much faster than a normal child. She's about two years old now.'  
I heard the knocking on the kitchen door and Este came in. 'I heard you have a guest, so I thought I will take care of Renesmee for a while' she said smiling on Alice's reaction. 'Renesmee, you will now go with aunt Este, ok?' My daughter looked at me, waved to Alice and left the house with Este.

'Now, Alice. What did you bring here?'  
'I am in the biggest shock ever' she whispered. 'How is it - '  
'Possible? In some way is, you saw.'  
Her mouth sticked together into a thin line. In this silence I was watching her, and I really enjoyed her presence in this house again.  
'Before you start asking' I began, 'tell me what did you bring here.'  
'Visions' she said quickly. 'For couple of months after our departure I could see you, but the visions turned into fuzzy, hazy images. I could not see clearly. But I still could see your face, though; so I deduced that it's about you what makes my visions go that way. So here I am. I want my answer.'  
I frowned.

'I have nothing common with that.'  
Alice was not satisfied.  
'So, tell me what happened when we were absent. Something happened with you, but I don't know what.'  
'I am a witch, Alice.' This sentence started to vibrate in the air like a fly.

'You're - witch - _what_?' she hissed.

'Yes' I said slowly. 'I am a witch. I always have been, yet not awoken. Este has found me in the right moment, saved me and showed how to live... without your brother... again.'  
'Tell me. I want to know _everything_.'  
'I jumped off the cliff.'  
Alice's fingers _hammered_ into my sofa.  
'Alice, be so kind and stop destroying my sofa!' I laughed.  
'You... _jumped_? But... why? It was Edward's fault, right?'  
'Yes' I stated. 'But now I think it was some kind of destiny. Este's found me and saved. She also knew about the pregnancy.'  
'How - '  
'We just know such things.'  
'You could _die_!'  
'I was dead. Dead alive.' I hissed. 'I could reborn only because Este has found me in the right moment.' She nodded.  
'So, then she tried to show me, that... there is life without Edward.' My voice was shaky. 'And it worked... Este's sisters joined us here and together we were preparing for the childbirth.'  
'Wait - where is Charlie?'  
_That hurts._ More than before.  
'He's dead, Alice.'  
My words floating in the air again, like an unwelcome visitor. My heart trembling...  
'I am so sorry...' Alice saw my tears and pain twisting my face.

'That's ok. You didn't know. And it's better now. I mean... I miss him so much, but I know he is in the better place. Watching me.'  
Alice returned my smile.  
'He died that night when I gave birth to Renesmee. The birth... It almost killed me. I was absolutely destroyed... But everything has been restored to me, and everything was explained to me. I returned and up til now, I am trying to organise my life.'  
'I don't understand...' Alice whisper was so quiet, that almost impossible to hear.  
'I can't tell you more than this, Alice.'  
After some silence, I added.  
'I was in great pain.'  
She looked at me with pain and sorrow. Her face was tearful.  
'I am so sorry Bella' she sobbed. 'So sorry. I told him not to do that... But he didn't want to listen... He said he is too dangerous for you...'  
'Too dangerous?' I snorted. 'But that's _riddiculous!_'  
'Yes, but he decided... And we had to go with him.'

The anger filled every inch of my body.  
'He said he doesn't love me anymore. That he doesn't want me.'

_Pain again._  
'Oh, please. He said that because he predicted that you will want to stop him! To persuade him he's not dangerous! It was all a lie. But a lie in good intention - he thought so, because it was no good. But he still loves you, Bella, he never stopped to love you.'  
'Oh yes, but you forgot about one little thing! You don't leave the person you love!' I shouted.  
'Bella, he tried to protect you! I don't say he did well, but if he had not loved you, he wouldn't be running away! Still, from one place to another!'  
The pain was tearing me into little pieces again. I cried, harder than before, than ever. Alice tried to calm me down, but in the end she just hugged me with all the force.  
'Shh...' her voice was beautiful as always. 'Everything is going to be allright, I promise.' There was something in Alice's voice, that I trusted her.

'You know that I must bring Edward here.'  
'I know' I answered hesitatily. 'And I will try to prepare.'  
Alice laughed.  
'Now I understand why my visions were so. You turned into a witch!' She smiled. 'After all, Bella, I am happy for you. I could see that... she's all your world now. And you've forgotten about pain.. a little you're a powerful lady!' I raised up, looked into Alice's face and smiled.

'Oh, wait.' Alice said.  
'What?'  
'Why I can't hear your heart or feel your smell?'  
'Such a little charm' I smiled widely. Alice laughed again.

'Thank you. For everything, Bella. For telling me the truth. But now it's time for me. I need to find Edward - '  
'You don't know where he is?'  
'He is... calling us once a week. He suffers too, Bella. He just does not want to admit that.'  
I nodded. I felt like a big stone has just fallen from my heart.

'Alice, I knew you will come.' I was so happy to see her. 'I knew.'  
Alice laughed and jumped on her feet.  
'I will be back in a couple of weeks. With Edward. Await us! And give my compliments to Renesmee. I am an aunt, what a thing!'  
Alice noticed my worried face.  
'Don't worry, Bella. I won't tell him before you do.'  
And in a second, she was gone and I was standing in the threshold. In the same moment, sisters emerged from the backyard. They saw my tears, but also my smile. They have already known. We need no words to communicate.  
'So, Renesmee' I faced around to my daughter. 'What do you think about your new aunt?'  
'Why she has to go?' Her voice was clear and high. It was a pure pleasure to listen to it.  
'She will return soon, darling. Now, will you help me in the garden?'

**AN**: Yay, guys! Edward is sooo close. Thanks for support, and hold on! I hope you enjoyed this piece and will enjoy the next! :)


	8. the unforgiven

**Note: **Guys, thank you so much for your support and comments, I appreciate it a lot. It helps me to become better 'writer' and a better person ;) So, this is the new chapter, but there is a little surprise:** it's Edward's POV**. I hope you'll enjoy it the same way I enjoyed to write it. One last thing, in a month time I am going to take my final high school exams so I'm quite busy these days. I don't know how long it will take to write the next chapter. But I hope we'll see soon! ;) Enjoy, and of course R&R! Thank you so much!

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**The unforgiven**

Staring into the dark void above my head, I could no longer see the stars. They became invisible for my eyes. The only sound that could be heard was whistling of the cold wind, somewhere in the forests of wild Denali. My hiding place. I was a lonely wanderer; I visited places, I travelled the world, but nothing could ever soothe my pain. An unbelieveable ache of some deep parts of my heart.

Yes, I tried to escape. To leave my memories of her, but nothing really worked out. When looking on the sky, I could see no stars or moon, just her chocolate eyes. The wind carried her voice, calling for me weakly, calling for me with such a desperate force, which was fading away with every day of my exile. The air smelled just like Bella, even here, high in the mountains. With every second I was losing her.

Lying down on the bare rock, I taught myself how to be hollow: focus on the breathing, there is nothing in you except this air you breathe. But the pain was still there, with and inside me. Invincible.  
My exile was a torture, unbearable and hammering. For the first days I used to run and cry for my mistakes, deceiving myself she could hear that; the thought that I hurt her was unbearable. But I knew I had done it then in the right way. I tried to convince my decision of leaving Bella.

I was a monster, a true, dangerous monster, balancing on the edge. One moment of the inattention, and everything I cared for, all I was living for would be gone. Her life, her beautiful, promising life, her eyes waiting for the miracles of this life to see. My love was unimportant. My pain was unimportant. The one thing I cared for was her security.

What kind of life she could have with me? I could hurt her with one careless hug. What if one day she desired for a child? And she wouldn't agree to live with me as a human. She tried to convince me to turn her into a vampire, but it was an absolutely unacceptable idea. She does not know the life yet; she still needs the time to experience it.

But her ghost haunted me. Many times, in the middle of the night or just in the day, she was standing just before my very eyes, so alive, so true. Her lips kindly smiling, in a sad way. Her eyes so merciful. Her little, fragile figure crooked with pain. And I always could hear her voice, asking:

_'What did I do wrong? What's not alright with me that I do not deserve your love?'_

And my lungs were empty, my eyes would be filled with tears if only I could cry; I was trying to say to her that is not true, that it is me not to deserve her sweet, ridding love. And everytime I was trying to embrace her in my arms, I was only holding the empty, cold wind.

I was weak. I was a coward, afraid of destroying her life. Afraid of giving us a try. She was everything. The life I was living, the blood I drank, the sun turning my pale skin into a shining halo, wind in my hair, she was my family, my closest friend and my only destination. I desired her so much...  
With every day I had to explain to myself again the reasons I left her. And with every day a feeling of mistake was growing bigger and bigger in my heart.

She would never understand the sacrifice I made for her. I abnegated her love, just to protect her! She still had all of her life, she will forget me in years, I knew that.

Lying on the bare rock, staring into the dark sky I lasted for hours. Suddenly, in a second, the glare of the stars blinded me. I was shocked. There was no Bella's eyes anymore! And the wind was just the wind whistling down the mountain -

I jumped to my feet, shocked and alarmed. I knew something happend, something bad, I just knew. The thought I was afraid of - **Bella's death** - placed in the middle of my mind. I stopped breathing.

No, Bella couldn't be so stupid -  
but it still was able -  
_what if -_  
Thousands of questions sprung up in my head. In a second of stillness I got down on my knees and I started to cry. I was finally defeated. I shouted much louder than anytime before. And this scream scattered my heart into bilions of little parts. I never felt an ache like that before, so overwhelming, so wrong. Worse than turning into a vampire, worse than anything...

'Edward!'  
Wait -  
a voice -  
'Edward!'  
_Alice?_  
What was she doing here?  
How did she find me?  
Her figure rose from the darkness. Her face was serious, but I couldn't read her mind, she tried to roar down her thoughts -

'Edward, we have no time to waste.** There is no time to waste anymore**.'

She hadn't had to repeat. In a second, we were gone.


	9. eternal

**Author's note:** Hi guys! Surprise! New chapter is up! Dear Lord, I can't believe I did that. I mean it was so spontaneus, I promised myself that I will not touch anything connected with fanfictions and I will only learn for my exams, but eventually I can't stand learning no more. :D So, here is the new chapter, and I hope you'll like it! Thank you for your support! And please, keep your fingers crossed for me next week. Cheers! Love ya!

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Days that came were hot and humid. That was something new in these sides. I have had a lot to do since Alice left Forks; maybe that was only I, who still wanted to have my own hands occupied by something. I couldn't find any place, I couldn't sit still longer than three seconds. Renesmee was observing me while I was tossing around the house and garden. But she never asked why I did behave that way. Smart kid, I think she understood why. I was busy. I kept on telling myself so. I was busy, sorting the herbs, preparing the mixtures, meeting with the people from Forks. Jacob was near me all the time, but only mentally. He can't stand the smell of the vampires. Sometimes he was taking Renesmee into the forest to hunt for a stag or another animal. She was a little girl but she needed blood; I couldn't forget she's in a half a vampire. But sisters supported me not only mentally, but physically also. Zoe and Stella used to tell me funny stories they have heard this day from the citizens, Vesper was silent but one gaze into my eyes and I felt better. Este was sweet and caring. She created for me a special mixture and after drinking that, I was able to sleep peacfully. Every night they sang for me and Renesmee some distant chants, which I could fully understand now. Six days after Alice's departure days were still hot among belief. I didn't suffer so much from that, but the nature did. I was trying to water all the plants I could. While I was engaged in the garden with work, Nessie (that's how Jake named her) was following me silently.

'Mother' said Renesmee suddenly with her beautiful, high voice, 'is aunt Alice your sister or my father's?'  
Watering can felt out from my hands. It was the first time she mentioned her father. Well, you know, I knew it must happen, but I couldn't prepare myself for that anyway... I faced up Nessie.

'Your father's' I answered. She beamed.

'Does she look like him?'  
My heart speeded up. 'No, sweethart. They are in family because... Because they're vampires and your grandfather took care of them one day and they joined his family.'  
She frowned.  
'Where is he now?' her childish voice was shaky and quiet. My heart squeezed.

'I don't know.' I felt ashamed for telling her that. She deserved to know Edward and to be with him since she has been born.  
'Did he leave you because of me?' she asked again, sadly. I thought my heart is going to break.  
'No, darling, absolutely not!' I hugged her. 'He left before I learned I am pregnant with you.' Thank Goddess she was so smart and she understood most of what I was telling her. 'Why did he left? Did he not love you?'  
I sighed. 'I suppouse he wanted to protect me.'  
She frowned again. 'I wouldn't act like that. I would teach you how to defense!'  
She was so funny and adorable in her childish 'I-know-better' that I started to laugh. 'I know'. I was moved. I hugged her. 'Sweethart, when aunt Alice will return, I think your father will return with her also.'  
She looked at me, as if she knew it long before. I sighed. Sometimes her smartness was tiring.

I was singing a lullaby for Renesmee with my sisters when the first thunderbolt hit the ground from afar. This girl was afraid of nothing so she felt asleep quickly. We went downstairs and drank the last tea that day. We said good night to each other and sisters left my house. I was alone. I sat in the big room, turned off the lights and closed my eyes. Thunderbolts caused the air tremble and the first raindrops touched the earth. Finally, these airless days were about to be gone. The darkness whirled around my body, and I listened to the storm symphony. I almost could feel the rain on my face, cooler air touching my skin, the wind pulling me as if I were a feather. _Katharsis_. I was purified by the rain and thunder, by the wind and storm. I was finally free. I jumped on my feet and opened the front door. I took the deepest breath I could and my lungs fulfilled with coolness and freedom. I was so happy! Almost not thinking about his visit! So insignificant and small against such a powerful storm. I laughed like a baby. I sat on the porch, listening and enjoying stormy weather. Suddenly, I heard a quick step, almost a run, in the nearest forest. My heart speeded up when the adrenaline hit my blood. I knew who was coming. I couldn't stand the waiting, they were to be by my house in a minute, but for me it was like an eternity. I thought my heart will explode.  
...and it stopped. Two figures emerged from the forest's line. They headed for the house, crossed the road, and stopped. I couldn't move. Then, a lighting broke the sky and I saw their faces. Alice, smiling hesitatily, and him.  
Edward.  
Edward had his eyes wide open like his sister almost week ago. He was... absorbing my sight. He did not look good, but I could notice that his eyes were golden. I breathed out and again in. My heart was flooded by thousands, millions of feelings and emotions.

'Edward...' I whispered. He came slowly upstairs on the porch where I stood. His breath was shallow. He raised his arm and touched my face with disbelief.  
'Bella' he said with his deep, beautiful voice. And suddenly, everything was complete. I was on the right side and right place, and so was he. We had lost each other but now we were found. I was blessed... I did not need any explanation, no words, nothing. This one while, the view of him, his marble fingers on my cheek. Water kept weep from his hair while he was looking on me, bewildered.  
'I wondered if you ever return...' I whispered. 'My faith in you almost faded out.'  
He looked at me, still disbelieving.  
'Your voice...' he said silently. I sobbed.

'How could you leave me? How could you leave me and choose for me? Who are you to choose anything for me?!' Anger took control over me. 'I've grown so tired of waiting for you!'  
And I cried, I cried the tears I did not cried before, I cried for our lost hours, days, months, I cried for my own pain and I cried for love. The dike came apart. He hugged me and I heard he sobbed also.

'Don't fade away' he said. 'Please, don't fade away...'  
Alice who stood just by her brother's back started to cry.

After a while, I emerged from Edward's embrace. I was numb. And hollow. I cried all of my emotions out.  
'This is only in my head' I smiled sadly.

'No, Bella, this is for real.' Este's voice echoed inside my mind.

I stepped back. Edward ceased moving. Storm felt silent. I moved around. Renesmee stood in the threshold looking at Edward and Alice with a mixture of feelings on her face. Edward's eyes were big as saucers.

Everything became still. Expectation and tension hung in the air.


	10. great expectations

**AN**: Hi folks! Long time no see but here I am! This is a short one. It was quite deifficult to describe the emotions and I hope I coped well and you'll enjoy this piece ;) Thanks for your support!

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I was stunned. Like a rock. I couldn't move, couldn't think, say a word. Edward looked at me, almost sick with shock.  
I breathed out. 'Edward'. A breathe in. 'This is your daughter.'  
My words hang in the air. Edward directed his eyes on Renesmee. Slowly, hesitating, his lips shaped into a weak smile. He was overwhelmed. I turned to Renesmee and took her on my arms.

'You see' I said, 'I promised you.' Renesmee and Edward couldn't took their eyes off each other. They were like enchanted statues, something linked long before with immortal bonds. Renesmee raised her tiny fist and touched Edward's face. Soon his eyes were wide open with disbelief. I knew that Nessie was telling our story so far. When she finished, I turned around and said:  
'Now is the time for explanations.'  
I entered my home and put Nessie down on the sofa, and Edward entered my house with Alice. I sat with Renesmee and the Cullens sat on the other sofa.

'Now, the truth.'  
I am not able to describe the feelings I felt sitting in the living room with the most precious people in my life. A mixture of relief, happiness, despair, anger, angst, love... Yes, love. It was the strongest.

'Before we start' I stated, 'I want to say that I know why you have left me. And you don't need to give your explanations, I... I understand that. I try to, hard.'  
'No, Bella.' His voice resounded in the room. My name in his lips... Good Lord. 'Bella, there are no explanations why I ran away like a fool... Every day I found myself in a great pain, ubelievable. I knew I made a mistake, but in fact I would not return. I loved you, Bella, among belief. I still do. All I wanted was you to be safe. You to live your life. To have your chance. I was dangerous. I was trying to guard you.'

'But why the hell did you decide for me?' I hissed. 'Why did you assume that I am not able to decide for myself?'  
'Bella, I was trying to protect you - '  
'No!' I shouted. Anger was flooding my veins instead of blood. 'You left me here alone! You said your love was a lie! My whole life looked like a big lie! I wanted to die because you ran away from me! I loved you so much that I couldn't imagine my life without you, and all I had was only memories and incredible pain.'  
Edward observed me and his face was covered with pain and injured pride.  
'You left me devastated.' I could feel now tears running from my eyes. 'You left me in destroyed world. But maybe that was the best thing ever happened to me.  
'You left me something more than a broken vow. You left me the hope, you gave me the best I could ever recieved from you. You gave me Renesmee. My second chance to live after your departing.'

Now he was watching Renesmee. She was perfectly still. Alice was sobbing in the corner.  
'The birth almost killed me. But before that I was found by my sisters, and they saved me.'  
'Sisters?' he asked silently.  
'Yes, sisters. You see, I am a witch.'  
I thought the amount of shock will destroy him, but he was silent.  
'I died, but I was brought to life again. It has its price and I agreed to pay it.'  
The silence fell between us.

'I can't imagine what you've been through,' he started, 'but I can clearly see now... How much pain you must have suffered because of me.  
'While I was on my "exile" your face haunted me every day, every hour... But it's me who's not worth your love. I would never forgive myself the whole pain you suffered.'  
'But you're already forgiven' I said calmly.

'No.' He moaned. 'No.'  
He slowly raised up from his seat. Then, in a second, he turned and ran through the door.


	11. broken

**AN**: Hi guys! I hope you'll enjoy this part. :) The first one is Bella's POV and the second one is Edward's POV. Thanks for the support, guys!

I pressed my forehead to the cold window's surface. The outside world was drowning in pouring rain, and Edward was somewhere there... I could hardly notice anything around me; sisters were moving around my house with their grace of fairies, and I could hear their whispers. They were kind and did not say a word against anybody. That was the thing I liked the most about them: they never judge anybody. But Alice and Renesmee had not said a word since Edward left. Alice disappeard, and Renesmee was with sisters. Eveyrthing I was able to notice were my thoughts, shaky, scattered, some of them almost eerie. We were forever bound to each other, Edward and I, with a web, so strong that no one could ever break it, a web of emotions and fragile moments... Anger, angst, despair, tears, exhaustion, relief, mercy and love... Were never to be shaken. This was the web I weaved to protect myself and my daughter. The wall between me and rest of the universe, my second face. Just with his one glance, with the tembre of his voice I was on the verge again, facing the same horror I faced nearly one year ago, balancing just like a circus artist. I could easily recollect my talk with Alice when Edward left.  
'Oh, Alice.' I said in a low voice. 'I am not sure if I really have forgiven him. I mean, I want this. I am so sick and tired of these distracting feelings that I would do anything to give them up. But I still can't set me free. I'm still behind the veil of mixed emotions. I'm not sure if I really can give it up.'  
'But you love him' she said with a sad smile on her lips. And that was true. I loved Edward Cullen, more than I could understand, after these all bad moments... Broken trust... It was the hardest thing I've ever had to face with. I loved Edward like no one on this planet, but he let me down. He was the very road I took, he was my North, my South, my East and West, my dawns, my days, my nights... He was my life and I loved him more with every moment. And there was absolutely nothing I could do with that, I couldn't help it. The loneliness he gave me, my broken ego, my self esteem. He made me believe that he did not love me, did not want me, and that was... Wounding. But then, in the end, sometimes goodbye is a second chance. Abstractly, he helped me to rise from the ashes during the holy rite, he helped me to find this way. To become reborn. He made me the way I am now. And above all, he gave me Renesmee, now silent, my precious star. She was so mine, and so his, that it was always amazing me how much I loved her. Edward gave me more than I could ask for. We were forever to be bound with this web. And there was nothing I wanted to change with my past. Broken trust did not matter anymore. I loved Edward, I loved him with all my heart, all my soul. Finally, I had forgiven him. And myself, either.  
In the end it was him for who I promised to give my life away. And the time was soon, very soon. I did not want to waste it.

* * *

I was wandering again. I was crazy, bewildered. I saw my Bella again, but she was not the same Bella I left in Forks. While leaving this place, my mind was so preoccupied only with thought to keep her safe. To let her live. But thought how this life would be after my departure never crossed my mind. I thought, she's a human. She will forget me soon, she will find herself among others. But I was stupid and blind. And egoistic. I loved her, I love her that it is amazing me every time I seem to notice this feeling. No one could feel the same way I did for her, but my blindness was awful. I did not believe in the force of her love. It's not that I had not understood she loved me, but in my egoism I did not believe that anyone could feel the same way I did, even she! It was unbelieveably selfish, and I understood it in the moment I have heard her words. She was hurted, and it was me who made her hurt. Made her feel like that. It was understandable she did not want to see me anymore. But there was something more. A sparkle in the darkness. Life in the land of death. Renesmee. She was a miracle, something I found really hard to believe in. Her eyes, her smile, voice, her look... She was my daughter. She was Bella's child and it was everything I cared about.  
but here I am. In the point of no return. And I did it to myself, with my mind clear, with counciousness I condmened myself to suffer forever. To lose the most precious person in my life... No, two ones, two meteors in my moonless life...

'Edward.' Alice's voice sounded around. 'Don't flatter yourself. You're not a coward.'  
'Flatter myself with what?' I said in a bark. She hissed.  
'Flatter yourself with this pain! It's not that simple, to run away and not to feel the consequences.'  
'But this is the consequence!'  
'No, brother, they are not. Consequences are waiting for you in Swan's house. Consequences, not pain. There is no pain for anyone of you, Bella, or Renesmee. You're not a coward, Edawrd, not a narcissus. Rise. And go. Face the mess you made, but in your case this mess is not chaotic at all... Just go there. And forgive yourself as Bella did. They are waiting for you.'  
Alice's voice faded out. I was alone in the darkness, overwhelmed with the scale of feelings taking over me. I raised and decided. I don't want to be miserable again, and I don't want to focus only on myself. I did not want Bella or Renesmee to be miserable again because of me.  
'From this moment on', I said tomyself, 'I will do everything in the way it has to be done. I'll do everything right.'


	12. breaking dawn

**AN**: Long time no see, huh? Sorry, lots of things going on. Thank you so much for the support! I hope you'll like the new part. :)

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I knew he'll be back, anytime soon. It was so hard to sit and wait. Renesmee was watching me, as if she was afraid that I'll disappear like Edward did. She missed him, undoubtedly. She didn't know him, and yet she has lost him... But Alice promised me. And I knew that she would send Edward back. These days filled up with awaiting I spent on watching my little girl, couldn't believe how my heart belonged to her. She was the absolute centre of the universe. Invisible ropes linked me with her, ropes that no one could ever break. All I wanted was her happiness and safety.

I never told anyone what happened on the other side during the holy rite. When flames were slowly absorbing my skin, I had to choose. In that perfect world, I have made my vow, I couldn't see any other way. I was allowed to return for a short time, but my life was quickly heading to an end. I returned only to complete my tasks and to clear emotions. I did not want to pass away surrounded with sorrow. Though I knew I wouldn't be gone completely, thought of dying was frightening me. I couldn't imagine my life without Nessie; I would give up an eternity to be with her, to protect her, and to give her all my love. I had the knowledge of Jacob's feelings, and I could see that they - in some strange way - belonged together. I was a little bit more calm just knowing that she will have someone who would love her absolutely, just like I do. And of course Edward... While waiting for his homeback, I was shivering. I couldn't imagine this moment when I tell him everything, I didn't know how to tell him. My dearest angel, my darling, my love. The other spectrum. He was the second vow, a life for life. Times before I changed into who I am, I used to dream about my life as a vampire by his side. Every cell of my body needed him. But my life as an imprefect human was gone and now I had to deal with the consequences of being one of the immortal. But my immortal life had an end since the beggining, and I knew it was soon.

It was still the middle of the night, I just had my two hours of sleep. I opened the window to hear the crickets more clearly, when his steps sounded on the doorway. I smiled. Perfectly unmoved, clarified, filled only with love and waiting, I headed to the door. 'Edward.' I sighed. There was everything: the relief, the sadness, the wasted months. And love, unbroken. In a second he was hiding his face in my hair and hugging me with all his force. 'Bella.' He whispered in the perfect silence around us.

'I will never, ever leave you!'  
'I know.' I smiled. He pulled me back and looked in my eyes. 'What's wrong?' His voice was low, almost silent. I shaked my head. 'Promise me you will not make anything stupid, or interrupt me', I asked. He slowly said 'Alright'. We sat down on the bench.  
'Do you know what happened?' I started my story. 'After your departure. I was completely broken and I wanted to kill myself.'  
Pain in his eyes told me that he knew, for sure from Alice.  
'But Jacob saw it and pulled me out of the water. He met Este then, my first sister. She told me everything, she told me about my pregnancy. She taught me how to use herbs and things like that. She sang me songs just to put the thoughts of you away from my head. And I met my other sisters, Vesper, Zoe and Stella. They are still around. I gave up my school and I was waiting for Renesmee's birth. I couldn't predict if it's going to be a daughter or a son', I smiled, 'but I felt that it will be a son. In the night of Nessie's birth, something gone wrong and she was stiffling. It was extremely painful and I kind of tried to throw it away from my memories, but simply I just can't. I was dying, for real. But my sisters helped Renesmee and me. They conducted the holy rite and changed me into a witch.' I smiled again. There was silence, but I could feel Edward's eyes on me. 'I never told anyone what happened on the other side but Edward, there is the other side!' He frowned but didn't interrupt. I sighed. 'I was too weak, and it was too late. I was almost in the dead's land, but there was a deal, and I had to make a vow. And I did it. I was allowed to return.' I fell silent for a longer while, when finally Edward spoke. 'What kind of a vow?'  
'Now, I want you to listen me very carefully. Will you, Edward?' 'Yes.'  
'I made a promise that I will return to the mortal world just for a while, to clear up my things, to say goodbye. I wanted so badly to see you, Edward, and tell you how much I love you. To tell you about Ness.' He was unmoved, like a marble rock. I took a deep breath.  
'This was also a night when Charlie died. And my time is soon. They won't let me stay longer than I promised. I must go back.'  
'Go back?' he hissed. His face was shocked. 'You mean, _die_?'  
'Yes, Edward.' I said carefully. 'I will die very soon'  
'No.' He whispered. 'No. **No. _No!_**'  
'Edward, calm down.' I said peacefully. 'There is nothing you can do with that. I made my decision already. You can't change anything. There is nothing on this world that would save me. Don't waste any more time than we have.'  
He was absolutely devastated. I knew that if he could, he would ask, 'Why, Bella?' I could hear the unspoken question in the air. He took my hand very, very slowly and kissed it. He then raised from the bench. I smiled, but inside I was screaming that it is unfair, untrue, that I have to sacrifice myself in this moment, when finally I can feel the true happiness with Edward by my side and Nessie sleeping in the next room. But I said nothing. There was no place for grief or tears. I raised from my seat, when for the first time my strong heart lost its rhythm. The last thing I could see were Edward's eyes, filled up with terror, and his voice in my ears - 'Bella!' - and I faded into blackness, into nothing.


End file.
